Hello babies,
First, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Yolanda Renee... and I'm far from what anyone views me as. I want to take this moment to make an offer to you. I would like to let you into my life... but the only thing that I need from you is to remove whatever it is that you think of me already. The only way this relationship will work, is if you allow me to be me and keep me away from any boxes that you may want to put me in. I'm Me... And I'll be me until I'm gone. I'm looking forward to sharing with you and the trips we'll be taking as you get to know me and what I'm thinking/doing. Thank you for reading this. I appreciate you all and hope that we can talk again ;-)...
Here We Go:
I'm not really sure that I know where to start, mainly because things have been up and down since the new year started. For about 3.2 seconds, there was a bit of sadness when I entered into 2011. The one that I've been bringing in the past 5 New Years with isn't in my life anymore and because of that I began to feel some slight sense of discomfort. I didn't really know how 2011 was going to be for me because I was sad coming into it. I can honestly say that it was the stage and the music that bought me right back to life. Thankfully, we had a show on New Years, and we took the stage right after the ball dropped. It was through Ms. Hill and her band (The CBC) and my girls (Tanikka Charrae and and Jeanette Berry "Rose") that I was able to realize that people come and go but my passion for performance and song will always be here to make me happy. I know it seems a little cheesy, but when music and your love for it is all you have to cling onto for sanity and strength, it gets real.
However, now that I'm on the road to knowing who I am and not who a man (my man) would want me to be, I can say that not only is it music that preserves my sanity, but I found my way back to letting it be God and my love for MYSELF be that glue. I don't have it all together. I've got drama for days. I'm still dealing with hurt, invasion of my heart and mind, back stabbing, lies and so much more. And in the middle of me looking for the sun through all of those clouds, I realized that I have to keep my head up because I HAVE TO MAKE IT. It's as simple as that. I know so many people that threw their lives away because of what other people have done to them... I can't let that be me because I was promised by life it's self that I'm going to be someone. Don't get me wrong though, I HAVE done wrong. I HAVE done people wrong. Some of the people that I love the most. I have definitely been guilty of ripping a few hearts out (if you're reading this, know that I love you to pieces and I don't think that will change... no matter what you AND I have done). I can't say that I'm done with hurting people because I'm not perfect. But I CAN and will say that I'm a lot more aware of peoples feelings and perception of me and the things that I do. I know that when you love people, you can't just live for yourself and make decisions based strictly on yourself.
With that being said, I'm growing. I don't expect for anyone to see the growth right away. But while I'm out here working and grinding, I'm also learning the lessons of life. These situations that helped me to pick these gems up along the way are going to be on my mixtape. If you want to talk about "no holding back", then this is where you'll find it. Because there are still some things that I would be afraid to talk about on a blog. I'm not scared of anyone, but I'm not in the business of putting everyone's business in the street. So how about we put this in the "tell all" category of mixtapes. (Again, if you're reading this, I'm sorry... But the best way to let it go is to let it out).
Unfortunately, I have to go. I have a session that I'm late for. We'll talk real soon. Maybe I'll Ustream the session. There will be a very special somebody with me. I'll put the link on twitter and facebook if so.
I love you all and hope to speak with you soon.
Yoli
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