Love it or Leave It

I just want to vent for a second...

Don't ever change who you are for ANYONE. No matter who they are to you or who they say you are to them. I've realized that in my past, I've spent over 8 YEARS changing myself (my likes, dislikes, style and even my vocal style... pretty much my life) to match/please someone else. It's not even just in relationships, even though it's way easier to do that because that's your excuse to change. In friendships, I've come to find that anyone who is okay with you conforming to who THEY are isn't a real friend at all. Don't get it twisted, there IS a such thing as changing for the good. But that's about changing bad habits, bad attitudes and bad ways of living. When it comes to the point that you're changing your hair, clothes, food interests, movie interests, music interests and find yourself with them 24/7 just to get the chance to show them that you've changed your entire self, just so they can like you more or all over again, it's time to cut that off. It's not healthy. It's NOT healthy. It's NOT HEALTHY.

I'm in a frustrated place lately, because I have to search extra hard to get back to who I was. But, there's somewhat of a good part to it. When I started dating, I was very young. I had my first legitimate boyfriend when I was a freshman in High School. Then it continued on from there. Literally going from one relationship to the next all the way up until now. ALL ending with really bad heartbreak. I mean, I had little play boyfriends before in grade school... but there's no way those things can be serious because you don't even know what you're doing. (There are things that happen in serious relationships, that when you're too young/young minded to understand, things will fall apart and end horribly because you can't handle it). Going from one relationship to the next, dating people in different age groups, I had to find a way to think differently, act differently and govern myself according to however they were or whatever they liked. I promise that some moments I was torn between two personalities... maybe three. The last time I knew who I was, was before the point in my life where I was supposed to know who I was. So reverting back to THAT person would be pointless years later. The funny thing is that the personality changes never even worked anyway because ALL of my relationships basically ended the same exact way. (That's another blog... I promise it's coming... but right now I don't have the energy to deal with the ones who know I'm talking about them...)

Thank God, you have your twenties to get it right and really run into who you are. I heard that your twenties are for trial and error. Well, I did that early. My twenties are for making up for the DUMB decisions and MISTAKES that I've made from my teenage years to now. The way I chose to make that up to myself is to get to know me the way that I should and stay away from things and people that have TROUBLE stamped on the package. You can't give someone what you don't have. When it's time for me to give someone all of who I am, it's going to literally be impossible because I don't even have half of who I am to give.

Now, I'm realizing what I like... what I don't like... MY favorite things. And it does feel good. The frustrating part of it all is that there's so much crap that I have to dig through and some habits that I have to break. It's not going to come over night... Which is why I'm STILL in this frustrated place. But it's worth the journey. No one should be who they're not. You owe it to yourselves to be you and to challenge people to "Love it or Leave it". That's ME.

Dead... But The Show Must Go On... (lol)

Hey guys,

Im not really sure what to say at this point of the day. I got in at 8 something this morning from the studio and earlier had to make my way to soundcheck for the Ms. Lauryn Hill show tonight. Now I'm at the hotel for make-up and wardrobe. I can't say that I'm full of energy… But I know that I WILL have to turn it on tonight. Am I looking forward to it? Yes. I love the stage and I love to sing. Honestly, what I'm not looking forward to are the complaints that come along with the show. But it is what it is at this point. I'm not the head of the ship… I do what I'm told and that's about it. 

As I'm sitting here typing to you, I'm fighting to keep my eyes open (I don't know if it's the soft brushes on my face or what lol). But I don't mind it  because I was't up doing foolishness. I was up being involved in my heart. If you read my last blog, you'll know that I was in school last night. I'm still completely blown away by what I saw. We got as much work done as we could before it became unnecessary to do anymore work. THAT'S how I would like to work from now on. I spoke to superstar August Rigo last night from the studio and emphasized the fact that I NEED to work… I don't think I need to say that he's down, because he's another serious grinder. His road to success (that's still being traveled, even though he's definitely established himself in the game) is another lesson to me as well. August will stay up until about 8 or 9am, working on music. From tracks to references to his own songs, he's up doing it. 

My question is (and feel free to answer me), what are all the things that it REALLY takes to have this kind of work ethic? I'm asking because whatever it is, I need to get all of it ASAP. I want to be on an "Album/Mixtape Per Month" kind of grind. 

My blogs are usually just a little bit longer than this, but I'm CRAZY tired. I'm going to try to catch a nap before I go into wardrobe. I can't even see straight right now. This is what happens when sleep is no longer a priority in your life lol. 

Love You All (like crazy)

Yoli

Class Is In Session...

I couldn't be more attentive in someone else's session than I am now. I literally can't help but feel some type of "schoolery" sitting in this J. Cole session. I don't think I've seen anyone before that has this kind of work ethic. Have you ever come across someone that made you want to hang your head in shame, because you thought YOU worked hard until you ran into a TRUE grinder? Yeah, that's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. He just laid a verse (for someone who I'm not sure if I can name right now) and now he's up producing. Finishing a track that's absolutely BANANAS. After he finishes the track, it's time for him to then lay down his rhyme, which Im sure is going to be just as crazy as the track it's self. THEN, after he's done laying his vocals, it's singing time. I can't explain how excited I am to hear the finished product.

I named this blog "Class Is In Session" because I'm in the middle of learning why there should NEVER be an excuse as to why working isn't the first thing on my mind and on my "to do" list. I think that Cole has proven from start to now that "if you don't work, you don't eat". And I just want to add that I'm so with it. Just because you're signed, have a sweet deal and have your voice on every radio station doesn't mean that you can rest and live comfortably. There's so much more to do. In the back of my head, all I can think of right now is "Okay, I think I get it".... I'm not really sure why I'm such a hard headed person that always has to see things to understand it, but this was literally my wake up smack from God lol.

Missing my sister (Tanikka Charrae: superstar in the beginning of her stardom *be on the look out for her soon*) who's always with me whenever I'm in these sessions, I'm soaking up everything, itching in anticipation to see her at soundcheck later today (Ms. Lauryn Hill show) to tell her everything that I've learned (like a kid on her first day of school). Also missing his awesome keyboard player (who's now out on the road with Drake), Ron Gilmore who calls me a lazy prodigy, all I can think about right now is how I want to make him proud by grinding like I've learned this morning. Well at 5:08am, I'm signing out. It was lovely speaking to you again.


Love You,
Yoli

This is where it all begins...

Hello babies,

First, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Yolanda Renee... and I'm far from what anyone views me as. I want to take this moment to make an offer to you. I would like to let you into my life... but the only thing that I need from you is to remove whatever it is that you think of me already. The only way this relationship will work, is if you allow me to be me and keep me away from any boxes that you may want to put me in. I'm Me... And I'll be me until I'm gone. I'm looking forward to sharing with you and the trips we'll be taking as you get to know me and what I'm thinking/doing. Thank you for reading this. I appreciate you all and hope that we can talk again ;-)...

Here We Go:

I'm not really sure that I know where to start, mainly because things have been up and down since the new year started. For about 3.2 seconds, there was a bit of sadness when I entered into 2011. The one that I've been bringing in the past 5 New Years with isn't in my life anymore and because of that I began to feel some slight sense of discomfort. I didn't really know how 2011 was going to be for me because I was sad coming into it. I can honestly say that it was the stage and the music that bought me right back to life. Thankfully, we had a show on New Years, and we took the stage right after the ball dropped. It was through Ms. Hill and her band (The CBC) and my girls (Tanikka Charrae and and Jeanette Berry "Rose") that I was able to realize that people come and go but my passion for performance and song will always be here to make me happy. I know it seems a little cheesy, but when music and your love for it is all you have to cling onto for sanity and strength, it gets real.

However, now that I'm on the road to knowing who I am and not who a man (my man) would want me to be, I can say that not only is it music that preserves my sanity, but I found my way back to letting it be God and my love for MYSELF be that glue. I don't have it all together. I've got drama for days. I'm still dealing with hurt, invasion of my heart and mind, back stabbing, lies and so much more. And in the middle of me looking for the sun through all of those clouds, I realized that I have to keep my head up because I HAVE TO MAKE IT. It's as simple as that. I know so many people that threw their lives away because of what other people have done to them... I can't let that be me because I was promised by life it's self that I'm going to be someone. Don't get me wrong though, I HAVE done wrong. I HAVE done people wrong. Some of the people that I love the most. I have definitely been guilty of ripping a few hearts out (if you're reading this, know that I love you to pieces and I don't think that will change... no matter what you AND I have done). I can't say that I'm done with hurting people because I'm not perfect. But I CAN and will say that I'm a lot more aware of peoples feelings and perception of me and the things that I do. I know that when you love people, you can't just live for yourself and make decisions based strictly on yourself.

With that being said, I'm growing. I don't expect for anyone to see the growth right away. But while I'm out here working and grinding, I'm also learning the lessons of life. These situations that helped me to pick these gems up along the way are going to be on my mixtape. If you want to talk about "no holding back", then this is where you'll find it. Because there are still some things that I would be afraid to talk about on a blog. I'm not scared of anyone, but I'm not in the business of putting everyone's business in the street. So how about we put this in the "tell all" category of mixtapes. (Again, if you're reading this, I'm sorry... But the best way to let it go is to let it out).

Unfortunately, I have to go. I have a session that I'm late for. We'll talk real soon. Maybe I'll Ustream the session. There will be a very special somebody with me. I'll put the link on twitter and facebook if so.

I love you all and hope to speak with you soon.

Yoli