Love it or Leave It

I just want to vent for a second...

Don't ever change who you are for ANYONE. No matter who they are to you or who they say you are to them. I've realized that in my past, I've spent over 8 YEARS changing myself (my likes, dislikes, style and even my vocal style... pretty much my life) to match/please someone else. It's not even just in relationships, even though it's way easier to do that because that's your excuse to change. In friendships, I've come to find that anyone who is okay with you conforming to who THEY are isn't a real friend at all. Don't get it twisted, there IS a such thing as changing for the good. But that's about changing bad habits, bad attitudes and bad ways of living. When it comes to the point that you're changing your hair, clothes, food interests, movie interests, music interests and find yourself with them 24/7 just to get the chance to show them that you've changed your entire self, just so they can like you more or all over again, it's time to cut that off. It's not healthy. It's NOT healthy. It's NOT HEALTHY.

I'm in a frustrated place lately, because I have to search extra hard to get back to who I was. But, there's somewhat of a good part to it. When I started dating, I was very young. I had my first legitimate boyfriend when I was a freshman in High School. Then it continued on from there. Literally going from one relationship to the next all the way up until now. ALL ending with really bad heartbreak. I mean, I had little play boyfriends before in grade school... but there's no way those things can be serious because you don't even know what you're doing. (There are things that happen in serious relationships, that when you're too young/young minded to understand, things will fall apart and end horribly because you can't handle it). Going from one relationship to the next, dating people in different age groups, I had to find a way to think differently, act differently and govern myself according to however they were or whatever they liked. I promise that some moments I was torn between two personalities... maybe three. The last time I knew who I was, was before the point in my life where I was supposed to know who I was. So reverting back to THAT person would be pointless years later. The funny thing is that the personality changes never even worked anyway because ALL of my relationships basically ended the same exact way. (That's another blog... I promise it's coming... but right now I don't have the energy to deal with the ones who know I'm talking about them...)

Thank God, you have your twenties to get it right and really run into who you are. I heard that your twenties are for trial and error. Well, I did that early. My twenties are for making up for the DUMB decisions and MISTAKES that I've made from my teenage years to now. The way I chose to make that up to myself is to get to know me the way that I should and stay away from things and people that have TROUBLE stamped on the package. You can't give someone what you don't have. When it's time for me to give someone all of who I am, it's going to literally be impossible because I don't even have half of who I am to give.

Now, I'm realizing what I like... what I don't like... MY favorite things. And it does feel good. The frustrating part of it all is that there's so much crap that I have to dig through and some habits that I have to break. It's not going to come over night... Which is why I'm STILL in this frustrated place. But it's worth the journey. No one should be who they're not. You owe it to yourselves to be you and to challenge people to "Love it or Leave it". That's ME.

Dead... But The Show Must Go On... (lol)

Hey guys,

Im not really sure what to say at this point of the day. I got in at 8 something this morning from the studio and earlier had to make my way to soundcheck for the Ms. Lauryn Hill show tonight. Now I'm at the hotel for make-up and wardrobe. I can't say that I'm full of energy… But I know that I WILL have to turn it on tonight. Am I looking forward to it? Yes. I love the stage and I love to sing. Honestly, what I'm not looking forward to are the complaints that come along with the show. But it is what it is at this point. I'm not the head of the ship… I do what I'm told and that's about it. 

As I'm sitting here typing to you, I'm fighting to keep my eyes open (I don't know if it's the soft brushes on my face or what lol). But I don't mind it  because I was't up doing foolishness. I was up being involved in my heart. If you read my last blog, you'll know that I was in school last night. I'm still completely blown away by what I saw. We got as much work done as we could before it became unnecessary to do anymore work. THAT'S how I would like to work from now on. I spoke to superstar August Rigo last night from the studio and emphasized the fact that I NEED to work… I don't think I need to say that he's down, because he's another serious grinder. His road to success (that's still being traveled, even though he's definitely established himself in the game) is another lesson to me as well. August will stay up until about 8 or 9am, working on music. From tracks to references to his own songs, he's up doing it. 

My question is (and feel free to answer me), what are all the things that it REALLY takes to have this kind of work ethic? I'm asking because whatever it is, I need to get all of it ASAP. I want to be on an "Album/Mixtape Per Month" kind of grind. 

My blogs are usually just a little bit longer than this, but I'm CRAZY tired. I'm going to try to catch a nap before I go into wardrobe. I can't even see straight right now. This is what happens when sleep is no longer a priority in your life lol. 

Love You All (like crazy)

Yoli

Class Is In Session...

I couldn't be more attentive in someone else's session than I am now. I literally can't help but feel some type of "schoolery" sitting in this J. Cole session. I don't think I've seen anyone before that has this kind of work ethic. Have you ever come across someone that made you want to hang your head in shame, because you thought YOU worked hard until you ran into a TRUE grinder? Yeah, that's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. He just laid a verse (for someone who I'm not sure if I can name right now) and now he's up producing. Finishing a track that's absolutely BANANAS. After he finishes the track, it's time for him to then lay down his rhyme, which Im sure is going to be just as crazy as the track it's self. THEN, after he's done laying his vocals, it's singing time. I can't explain how excited I am to hear the finished product.

I named this blog "Class Is In Session" because I'm in the middle of learning why there should NEVER be an excuse as to why working isn't the first thing on my mind and on my "to do" list. I think that Cole has proven from start to now that "if you don't work, you don't eat". And I just want to add that I'm so with it. Just because you're signed, have a sweet deal and have your voice on every radio station doesn't mean that you can rest and live comfortably. There's so much more to do. In the back of my head, all I can think of right now is "Okay, I think I get it".... I'm not really sure why I'm such a hard headed person that always has to see things to understand it, but this was literally my wake up smack from God lol.

Missing my sister (Tanikka Charrae: superstar in the beginning of her stardom *be on the look out for her soon*) who's always with me whenever I'm in these sessions, I'm soaking up everything, itching in anticipation to see her at soundcheck later today (Ms. Lauryn Hill show) to tell her everything that I've learned (like a kid on her first day of school). Also missing his awesome keyboard player (who's now out on the road with Drake), Ron Gilmore who calls me a lazy prodigy, all I can think about right now is how I want to make him proud by grinding like I've learned this morning. Well at 5:08am, I'm signing out. It was lovely speaking to you again.


Love You,
Yoli