Love it or Leave It

I just want to vent for a second...

Don't ever change who you are for ANYONE. No matter who they are to you or who they say you are to them. I've realized that in my past, I've spent over 8 YEARS changing myself (my likes, dislikes, style and even my vocal style... pretty much my life) to match/please someone else. It's not even just in relationships, even though it's way easier to do that because that's your excuse to change. In friendships, I've come to find that anyone who is okay with you conforming to who THEY are isn't a real friend at all. Don't get it twisted, there IS a such thing as changing for the good. But that's about changing bad habits, bad attitudes and bad ways of living. When it comes to the point that you're changing your hair, clothes, food interests, movie interests, music interests and find yourself with them 24/7 just to get the chance to show them that you've changed your entire self, just so they can like you more or all over again, it's time to cut that off. It's not healthy. It's NOT healthy. It's NOT HEALTHY.

I'm in a frustrated place lately, because I have to search extra hard to get back to who I was. But, there's somewhat of a good part to it. When I started dating, I was very young. I had my first legitimate boyfriend when I was a freshman in High School. Then it continued on from there. Literally going from one relationship to the next all the way up until now. ALL ending with really bad heartbreak. I mean, I had little play boyfriends before in grade school... but there's no way those things can be serious because you don't even know what you're doing. (There are things that happen in serious relationships, that when you're too young/young minded to understand, things will fall apart and end horribly because you can't handle it). Going from one relationship to the next, dating people in different age groups, I had to find a way to think differently, act differently and govern myself according to however they were or whatever they liked. I promise that some moments I was torn between two personalities... maybe three. The last time I knew who I was, was before the point in my life where I was supposed to know who I was. So reverting back to THAT person would be pointless years later. The funny thing is that the personality changes never even worked anyway because ALL of my relationships basically ended the same exact way. (That's another blog... I promise it's coming... but right now I don't have the energy to deal with the ones who know I'm talking about them...)

Thank God, you have your twenties to get it right and really run into who you are. I heard that your twenties are for trial and error. Well, I did that early. My twenties are for making up for the DUMB decisions and MISTAKES that I've made from my teenage years to now. The way I chose to make that up to myself is to get to know me the way that I should and stay away from things and people that have TROUBLE stamped on the package. You can't give someone what you don't have. When it's time for me to give someone all of who I am, it's going to literally be impossible because I don't even have half of who I am to give.

Now, I'm realizing what I like... what I don't like... MY favorite things. And it does feel good. The frustrating part of it all is that there's so much crap that I have to dig through and some habits that I have to break. It's not going to come over night... Which is why I'm STILL in this frustrated place. But it's worth the journey. No one should be who they're not. You owe it to yourselves to be you and to challenge people to "Love it or Leave it". That's ME.